Tom Ryan from Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds commercial!
It isn't the holiday season until a diamond-encrusted pistol shoots out Liz Taylor's classic and legendary White Diamonds commercial! Fuck Santa Claus. This is the real HO HO HO that summons the holidays. It's the shiny tip on your dreidel, the sparkly star on your Christmas tree or the corn nuts around your Kwanzaa cake. And the frosted over beauty Elizabeth Taylor isn't the only star of this masterpiece, credit also goes to TOM RYAN! Tom Ryan is Dame Liz's arch rival who she tries to destroy by giving her lucky diamond earrings to his Go Fish (or whatever the hell game they're playing) opponent. Watch this masterpiece below if you haven't already overdosed on it:
If it wasn't for that shifty and scheming Tom Ryan, Liz would've never cooed out the quote of the holidays, "NOT SO FAST, TOM RYAN!" A line you can use all year long. When your holiday ho pokes you in the wrong part and gets a little rowdy on your genitals, simply tell him, "Not so fast, Tom Ryan!" When one of your cousin tries to snatch the last Kraft Single and Crescent Roll-ups, tell that bitch, "Not so fast, Tom Ryan!" And during Black Friday today, when a trick threatens to pull a gun on your ass after trying to cut in line at Toys 'R Us, you know what to tell that crazy.
Happy (Karen) Black Friday to you, Elizabeth and Tom Ryan!
Kelly Monaco Michelle Malkin Kim Yoon jin Scarlett Chorvat Charlize Theron
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